Wow I have been busy!  Time just gets away from me before I know it.  Today I cancelled my membership to Weight Watchers.  I just didn't want to pay an extra $17/month for something I am not even using any longer.  It has stopped working for me.  Now don't get me wrong.  I give all the credit to WW for helping me lose 25 lbs!  However, I'm just stuck at 191 lbs.  The scale is the same every time I step on it.  I am working out 3 times a week doing a very intense workout and I am not losing a single pound.  I have started using the site called MyFitnessPal.  It's very simple to use and I enjoy seeing what all I am putting into my body as far as fat, fiber, protein, etc.  It's not just about "points".  I also like that it gives me daily/weekly goals for water & exercise.  I'm going to give this a try and see if it helps me get past this plateau!  I'm doing everything right, I feel, but nothing is working.  Wish me luck!

MyFitnessPal - Free Weight Loss Tools

I am feeling completely and totally stuck at 190 lbs.  Seriously?  This is what my body is saying is ok?  Part of me never wants to eat right because even when I do eat right, I cannot get under 190.  This is just so ridiculous.  I haven't been to Fit Club in 2 weeks due to my husband being out of town.  I have been eating crap.  Yesterday I had Sonic for lunch and Steak-N-Shake for dinner.  Not good.  It's hard to eat right when I can't lose weight and also with my husband being gone.  When he is here, I focus on making healthy family meals.  When he is gone, I say SPLURGE!  Ugh.  Need to break that.  I also need to lose 20 more pounds.  Come on weight.  Fall off like you did before!!!  This is so frustrating.  I'm trying to use my weight loss journey to also teach my children a lesson.  Do not get into bad habits of eating junk food and large portions.  Please do not do this to yourself!!!  Do not let your weight get out of control.  According to WW, a healthy weight range for me would be 144-179 lbs.  144 lbs at my height wouldn't look healthy, but if I was 170, like I want to be, I'd be considered "healthy".  Unfortunately, I am still in the "overweight" catagory and that just plain sucks considering I've lost 20+ lbs.  My current BMI is 27.  I started out with a BMI of 29.8.  I think it sucks that losing 20+ lbs only dropped my BMI by 2 pts!  I hate this.  I hate trying so hard and I hate feeling like a failure.  I really need some encouragement.  No one follows my blog, so I am basically writing this to myself, but that's ok.  I need to get my butt back into gear and even if I can't go to Fit Club, I can work out to one of my MANY DVD's at home.  No excuses!  20 lbs is nothing, right???

I am getting myself back on track.  I am still at 190 lbs, but I am working on getting back into the 180's.  I have been attending Fit Club, a program at our church, twice a week and we are doing workouts such as P90X and Insanity.  Stuff that makes me super sore!  Every time I get sore, my number on the scale goes up.  Not permanantly, but for a short time.  It's aggrivating, of course!  I am just doing what I can to stay healthy & active.  I'm doing my best.  I need to get back into the routine of logging my WW Points.  When I was doing that, weight was coming off like crazy.  So that is my goal.  My kids are both in school full time now, so I have no excuses!!

I am back from my 2+ weeks of vacation and I am back on track!!  I left for vacation weighing in at 189 and I am weighing in today at 192.  I am quite happy with a gain of only 3 lbs.  Honestly, who doesn't gain a little weight on vacation?  I will be totally and completely honest....I ate dessert every single night and I ate what I WANTED for the most part.  But you know what???  I felt like crap the entire time I was on vacation.  I was sluggish and didn't have the energy I normally do when I'm eating right.  I felt bloated and fat and just not like I have been feeling since I started this weight loss journey.  However, now I'm home and I am back on the right track.  I ate a great lunch today that consisted of a huge salad with home grown tomatoes and angel hair pasta with squash & zucchini with marinara sauce.  I am already just feeling so much lighter.  It feels good to eat good!  Tonight I am attending my first FitClub class at church.  It should be fun!  I'm hoping I don't embarrass myself!  I am hoping that this vacation was what I needed to shock my body and get myself back into losing more weight.  I'd ultimately like to get down to 170.  That's 22 lbs away and I know it's totally doable.  Just gotta DO IT!  Just like I put my mind to it when I started WW.  I CAN do this. 

I weighed in at 189.8 this morning.  No big deal!  One lb heavier than I was last Friday, but I am not going to let it get me down.  I am back on track and I have lost the other 2 lbs I gained during vacation.  I am happy with that.  I basically gained and lost 2 lbs in one week. LOL  Not good for my body, I'm sure, but at least that weight is gone and I am heading in the right direction.  I have a feeling these last 19 lbs are going to be a pain to take off.  I am working out and eating right, so that's all I can do.  There isn't much else I can do to bust through this plateau.  I'm trying.  I am a lot less depressed about it now that I am almost back to 188.  I look back at where I started and I have come a LONG way.  I started at 214.  I never thought I'd get below 200 lbs and now here I am at 189.  I am 11 lbs under where I thought I'd be "stuck".  Amazing.  I truly give WW a lot of credit, but I also have to give myself a little credit since I stuck to the plan and have been doing awesome.  And of course this wouldn't be possible without God.  I have prayed to Him so many times just asking for strength to not over eat or eat when I am emotional/bored/not hungry/etc.  He has been there with me the entire way.  Now I just need to work on these last 19 lbs.  I can do this.  I've lost 25 lbs, so 19 should be cake, right?  We'll see about that....   All I know is that for now, I am happy to be a size 14.  A loose size 14, at that!  I'll be in a 12 soon, I hope. :o)

Still not seeing a number in the 180's and I am totally bummed. I feel like I should be in the 180's by now. I am praying that I wake up tomorrow and see 189 on that scale. If I don't this will be the first time since starting WW that I have lost under 1 lb in a week. How terribly sad that would be! I know I have stuck to the plan this week and I have been working out, so I cannot be too hard on myself. I must not be too hard on myself. I don't want to depress myself and totally stop and give up on this whole weight loss thing. I want to do this. I've come so far!! I've lost 24 lbs! That is a LOT. That's the size of a one year old! Now if I could just lose this last 20 lbs. In all honesty, I just want to get to that 189 mark to prove to myself that I CAN do it. I broke the 200 lbs mark and it had been stopping me for years, so I know I can do this too. I ate so well today and yesterday too! I am not understanding why I didn't see 189 this morning. Oh well, must remain positive. I am looking so much slimmer in my clothes and I was rocking my bathing suit today at the pool. ;o) My Mom and I are planning a vacation starting the Friday after the 4th of July and we are already talking about exercising in the pool and eating super healthy meals while we're gone. We are going to support one another. We even talked about hiking and I am looking for trails for us. I'm also searching online for pool exercise routines. I am determined not to gain this darn weight back...even if it kills me!

I think 190 lbs is my new 200 lbs. By that I mean I'll never get under 190 lbs and stay there. Before, I always struggled with the 200 lbs mark. It seemed like I could get to 200 and then never stay below. It seems that 190 is that new mark for me. Don't get me wrong, I'm happy I fell below 200 lbs and I am happy that I've now lost 24 lbs, but I want to be in the 180's. 188 lbs is my 10% marker (on WW). I get an award on their site for losing 10% of my body weight and I really want that award. So I am working hard. I started working out on Monday. I ran/walked for 20 minutes and then did weights. Today I only got in a 15 minute jog and weights before my oldest kiddo got up. I really want to get into the 180's. The next few days I really need to stick to my daily points allowance and not go over. Yesterday, I had ice cream which sent me way over my daily points. I dipped into my weekly points and it seems that when I do that, I do not lose weight like I should. Maybe once I'm on maintenance, then I can dip into those weekly points that I am alloted. I am trying not to let the numbers on the scale rule my happiness. The other day I was 190, today I am 191. There could be so many reasons for that 1 lb "gain". I did start working out and I know your muscles retain water when you work out and I know muscle weighs more than fat and blah, blah, blah. I am really just trying to look at the bigger picture. If I weigh 190 lbs and I am toned, then I shouldn't care about that number. If I weigh 170 and I'm flabby all over, I won't be as happy. Must look at the bigger overall picture here. This whole weight loss thing is such a mind game. My last official weigh in with WW was 191.2 lbs. I am over that today. I weighed in this morning at 191.6. I cannot be over 191.2 on Friday, my official weigh in day. That would just be depressing to see my graph go UP. I think I would cry. I do not want to gain any weight. So I will stick to the plan today and tomorrow and see if I can get down to around 189 by Friday's weigh in. I know that if I stick to the plan and I do not get to 189, then it's not my fault because I tried my hardest. Working out always does strange things to my body. I always gain weight, initially, and then it goes away and I either maintain or lose weight. I only have 15-20 lbs left to lose and I want to be toned. Ugh. This is so hard and now I feel like I'm just blabbing, so I am going to go clean while I have energy.

I hit 190.6 lbs today!! For some reason, the weight is starting to come off more slowly. In the beginning, I was losing over 2 lbs per week. Now it's slowing down. I still have another 20 lbs I would like to lose. I am also going to start working out today. I want to be honest and say that I am 100% scared to work out. I do not want to gain weight and it seems that when I work out, I gain weight. I really do not want to see that number on the scale go up. Especially since I am only at 190, which is still too close to 200 to be packing on any weight...even if it IS muscle weight. So I am frightened. I want to lift weights so I can start toning, but if I start to notice that scale creeping up, I'll have to back off. So I am sitting here before my workout already nervous and sweating! :oP I know I need to do it, no matter what. Exercise is not only good for helping lose weight, but also for your heart and at this point I'm pretty much sedentary...minus the cleaning & playing I do with my kids. I wish someone could design a workout plan just for me. Something that would help me tone & lose weight without bulking up or putting weight on!

In happier news, I've now lost a total of 24 lbs. This is super exciting and people are starting to notice! I went to a BBQ with people I haven't seen in almost a year and they were all commenting on my weight loss. My grandmother-in-law told me I didn't need to lose anymore, God love her!! I am very proud of myself. I know this last 20 lbs is going to be the hardest to get off. I still can't believe I weigh under 200 lbs. It's hard for me to wrap my head around the fact that I no longer wear a size 18...or a 16 even! I'm nervous to buy new clothes still because I'm afraid if I try something on and it doesn't fit that I am going to be upset since I've lost weight and it SHOULD fit. I guess we'll just have to see. I am also nervous about going on vacation. It's hard to be on vacation and try to eat healthy and workout. I do NOT want to gain on vacation. I cannot gain on vacation.

Alright...I've gotta stop procrastinating and get my workout done. Praying I don't gain weight. Please Lord, help me!!

For the first time, someone noticed my weight loss!! My step-mother-in-law sent me an email today and she said so many nice things in it. She told me that she had wanted to tell me in person on Saturday, when she saw me, but she didn't get around to pulling me aside to say something. Anyway, here is an excerpt from her email:

"YOU LOOKED BEAUTIFUL SATURDAY - YOUR HAIR WAS FABULOUS, THE STYLE, THE STREAKS, THE CUT, JUST PERFECT. ALSO, YOU HAVE LOST WEIGHT, A GOOD DEAL IT LOOKS LIKE ----- IT SURE LOOKS GOOD ON YOU. I MEANT TO TELL YOU THAT SEVERAL TIMES SATURDAY AND THEN WOULD FORGET WHAT I WAS GOING TO SAY. I'M SORRY FOR NOT GETTING TO TELL YOU IN PERSON."

Anyway, I thought this was an awesome email and I just about cried when reading it. It really made my day!! Heck, it made the last 2 months for me!! Seeing someone notice has been wonderful!! No one else has really said much. My Mom said something only after me telling her I'd been on WW and my husband says he notices it, but it's hard to notice when you're around someone every single day. So this was my proof that you really can SEE me losing weight. Ahhh! I just want to shout from the rooftops!! :o)

I am down 1 lb this week. That is better than I thought since yesterday I hadn't lost anything. I will take 1 lb. I wish it was more, but I will take it. Tomorrow is my official weigh in day, so there's still time to get down to 190. I would totally LOVE to see 190 on the scale. Today I am 191. You know, I still don't think it has sunk in that I have lost 23 lbs. That is a LOT of weight. I should be proud of 23 lbs. I still refuse to buy new clothes and I still can't see myself as being any smaller. It's very strange to me. If someone else had lost 23 lbs I would be so ecstatic for them. Why can't I be ecstatic for myself like that? It's very weird. If you look back in this journal, there was a time where I never thought I'd get under 200 lbs and stay there. Now here I am 9 lbs under that and I still have the same mind set. I need to learn to be happy with what I am accomplishing. It's so hard though. I feel like I have such a long way to go and that losing 23 lbs isn't enough since I have 21 left to go. *sigh* I need more positive thoughts in my head. I'm thinking of printing out positive sayings and reading them. Maybe taping them to my mirror so I see them when I'm getting ready in the mornings. Gotta get out of this mind set that 23 lbs is nothing!!

*sigh* I really want to cry this week! I am not losing anything. I am so depressed over it and just totally bummed out. This is very disappointing. Every week since I have started WW, I have lost at least 2 lbs. Now here I am, stuck at 192. This is very upsetting. I don't know what's wrong!! Maybe I need to start working out? Maybe my body is saying, "OK...enough of this losing weight stuff. We wanna hold onto this cushion!!" I don't know. Something has to change. Maybe I need to eat less? Or maybe change what I am eating? I have to be honest...I have been having ice cream (sometimes 2) every night. It's at least the SmartOnes ice cream, but having 2 each night probably isn't the best. There are still fat & calories in them, even if I do have the Points left over for them. Maybe I should eat more fruit & veggies for snacks? Whatever it is, I wish I knew. I wish there was a computer in my body that could tell me what it needs me to do to get these last 22 lbs off!! Right now I just want to cry. My official weigh in day is Friday and I seriously doubt I'll lose anything by then.

I thought yesterday was going to be a rough day, but it turned out to be ok. My oldest son, who is 7, had his tonsils taken out yesterday. We were at the hospital from 7:45am to 3:45pm. My stomach was in knots and all I wanted to do was eat, because I am an emotional/stress eater. I can admit that. However, I did not. I went to the cafeteria once he was in his room and stable and I got a salad with fat free Italian dressing and a bowl a fruit. I did end up having part of my husband's Twix bar, but I still came in under my points for the day. Woohoo!! I stepped on the scale this morning, expecting a number higher than what I got. I weighed in at 193 lbs this morning. This is such an accomplishment for me because this is the lowest I weight I can remember being at in my adult life. I cannot ever remember stepping on the scale and it saying anything lower than 194 lbs. So 193 was such a goal for me! I am very happy with this, but it reminds me I will have a long way to go too. I still need to lose 23 lbs. I've lost 21 lbs so far, so I still have more than I've lost to go. Make sense? Sounds funny. It's upsetting, but I just need to stay encouraged. I really wish I had time to add in some exercise, but at this point, I just don't have the time. I am hoping in August, once school starts, I can get in at least 30 min Monday-Friday. That would be ideal and I should have time for that with both kids in school full time this year. In positive news, I only have 5 lbs to lose before I've lost 10% of my body weight. That is exciting!!

194.6 lbs this morning! This is such a huge goal for me because I only ever remember weighing 194 lbs once! It was the time my husband & I decided to eat only fruit for days on end and I was exercising like a mad woman. It wasn't healthy at all. So I am proud of myself for sticking with this and making it to 194 the right way!! My points have been lowered now, so I'm finding it more challenging to stay within my range, especially when we go out or during special occasions, such as BBQ's. However, I am trying my best and that's all I can do. I'm staying away from things I really want like rolls with butter and hot fudge sundaes. I know I CAN do it. It's just having the determination to do it. No one seems to notice my weight loss. My mom said I look thinner, but only after I told her how much weight I've lost. My husband does notice. He hugged me yesterday and said I feel smaller to him. No one else has commented. It's a bummer. I'm officially down 20 lbs now, so I would think people would notice. Of course I am losing it slowly, so people may not be noticing due to that. Especially those I see on a regular basis. Still, I'm kind of bummed. I'm not going to let it stop me though because even if no one EVER notices, I still know what that number on the scale says and I know how much healthier I am getting just by losing this weight! Oh, and now my brother doesn't weigh less than me, which is MAJOR!! Only 6 lbs to go to hit my 10% (on WW) goal. I think when I hit that goal, I might buy myself a new outift. :o)

Ahhh, today was HARD!!! We went to a picnic at church and no one brought anything healthy, of course, and I showed up starving. NOT a good idea!! Now I'm left with 3 points to use for dinner. Not cool. I will definitely be going over my points today. :o(

I really need to stay off the freaking scale every day! Ugh. I weighed in this morning at 195.6. Then, a little bit later, I weighed myself again for some reason and I was at 196 and I was UPSET. Seriously? Why on Earth would I let myself get upset over that? Anything could've happened! The scale could've shifted, it could've accounted for the water in my hair, it could've been wrong the first time. But why do I do this to myself? It's almost an obsession. I don't normally weigh myself multiple times a day. Usually, I get up every morning, take my clothes off as I'm gettnig ready to shower, pee, and then weigh myself. It's just my routine. For me, weighing myself daily seems to help keep me on track. If that number on the scale goes up a little, then I know I need to work extra hard that day to get my number back down. I'm not crazy over it, but I do weigh in every single day. Here's to hoping that tomorrow morning, my real weigh in day on WW, I am back down to 195! That would totally rock my socks off!! ;o)

196.4 lbs this morning! So proud of me!! I am alone this week and it would be very easy to cave in and go to grab a pizza or eat Gold Star Chili, but I am staying away. When we have eaten on the go, I am choosing healthy salads, chicken sandwiches, etc. Very proud of myself! When I did splurge on fries, I felt horrible afterward. Why would I ever put that garbage into my body?? No wonder I gained so much weight. It's obviously bad for you! Anyway, this was just a quick update. I am very darn proud of myself. Only 8 more pounds to go before I meet the 10% weight loss goal since starting Weight Watchers. Woohoo!! That will be a total of 26 lbs gone! Wow! I am just shocked to even type that. 26 lbs seems like an incredible amount of weight. Right now the 18 lbs I've lost seems so little, but there's something about getting into that 20 lbs range that sounds like a LOT! So excited to hit that 20 lbs mark. Only 2 lbs to go till I see the 20 lbs mark and only 8 more lbs to go to get into the 180's and hit my 10% mark. Only 3 more lbs to go until I hit the overall 10% weight loss marker. My weight tracker with Weight Watchers set it to 188 lbs because that is what it was with the weight I started WW at, which was 209 lbs. I had lost 5 lbs on my own in the matter of 4 whole months on my own plan. With WW I am already down a total of 12 lbs in about 5.5 weeks! GO ME! I am so excited I could jump up and down! :o)

OMG, OMG, OMG!!! I hit 197.8 this morning. I am just 4 lbs away from my lowest adult weight that I can remember. If I hit 193, I will be ecstatic!! Once I hit 189, I think it will be safe to say that I am not going back to 200 lbs...EVER!!!! I just hate to say that at this point because I am really only 2.8 lbs from 200 and I could "gain" that back during my period, so I won't say that just yet. I am so ecstatic right now!! I am losing weight and just really listening to my body and making better choices for myself. And I am really starting to FEEL my weight loss. Yesterday, I put my hands on my hips and I was like, "Wow...I feel smaller in this area." I didn't say anything out loud, but I felt good for the rest of the day. I did slip and have ice cream twice yesterday. One small scoop at the dairy farm with my kiddos and then a small Blizzard last night with them. However, it's totally different than when I would eat ice cream in the past. Before, I'd get as much as I could and scarf it down without so much as even really tasting each bite. This time around, I savored every bite of my ice cream and ate slowly. It's amazing how much more satisfied I was with a smaller amount than I normally get. This morning when I weighed in (which I do every morning, but it only counts on Fridays), I reweighed myself because I just couldn't believe the number after eating ice cream. That makes me think that it's definitely ok to splurge every once in a while if you're balancing it all out in the end. I can't go and eat Olive Garden with a huge plate of pasta and then turn around and have a Blizzard from Dairy Queen. That just won't work. However, if I eat well the whole day, salad & soup for lunch and a Weight Watchers meal for dinner, I can afford some ice cream at the end of the day. Balance is the key for me!! I accomplished my goal of being at 199 lbs by June 2nd. My new goal is 194 lbs by June 15th, which is the day my son has his tonsils out. Only 3.8 lbs to go in 11 days. I can totally do this!!

It's my official weigh in day and I managed to get back to 199.0 lbs. Woohoo! Go me! Of course, I am concerned at how long I will stay there. I wish I could just skip the 190's and get down to the 180's. I cannot remember being in the 180's in my entire adult life. Of course, I know I wasn't even 180 when I got married almost 11 years ago, but as far as having memories of stepping on the scale, I never remember it being under 194. I believe it was shortly after I had my youngest son. My husband and I went on this crazy diet where all we ate was fruit and drank water and I got down to 194. It wasn't a healthy way to do it and once I started eating things other than fruit, the weight went right back on. This time around, I feel I'm doing it the right way and I feel this could be my turning point to staying under 200 lbs for the rest of my life. I never ever want to be 200 lbs again. I hate just looking at that 2 in front of my weight. I feel that when people see that number, at the dr's office for example, they automatically judge you and label you as "fat", no matter the fact that I am 5 ft 11! So I am very happy with 199 lbs. It took a lot of will power to get that 15 lbs off and I am proud of myself. 15 lbs! That's amazing to me! I think about how much 15 lbs weighs when I'm carrying it and, honestly, I am feeling lighter this morning. I haven't had anyone notice my weight loss, which is a bummer. I think if people noticed, I would be even more motivated. However, Weight Watchers told me I'm losing too much weight too fast and I need to slow down. Umm...hello...I think NOT!! I'm averaging a loss of 2.2 lbs per week. That doesn't seem like a lot to me. Anyway, I've now lost over 5% of my body weight. Only 11 lbs to go to get to that 10% mark, which is a huge goal for me. I'm so excited that Weight Watchers is helping me!!

Ugh. Why can I never stay at 199? Every time I get under 200 lbs, something happens and I gain weight. I've never been able to stay under 200 for any length of time. Memorial Day weekend was horrible for me, eating wise. I ate too much crap! Then I got back on track and I went from 203 to 200. Yesterday was awesome. I had hardly any points and used them to eat Wendy's. That could be the problem. I did eat french fries and the salt is probably causing me to retain water. Ugh. Stupid french fries. And to be honest, I felt like crap after eating them. So not worth it! It has been 5 weeks (before yesterday) since I had them, so my body was probably like "What are you trying to do to me??!" No more french fries for me. Ick!! Hopefully I can lose at least 1 lb before weigh in tomorrow. Feeling totally bummed right now. :o(

I hit 199.8 this morning! I am finally in "one-derland!!" What an awesome feeling this is! I am so darn proud of myself for finally sticking to something. And I haven't even really been exercising all that much. Not like I was before. It's true what they say...weight loss is 90% nutrition & 10% exercise. I believe that now. Before I had this idea that if I exercised a ton, I could eat whatever I wanted. No wonder I never lost weight. I am so darn proud right now! Only 29 more lbs to go to reach my goal!! If I keep up this rate of weight loss (at least 2 lbs per week), I could be at about 180 by the time we leave for Florida. I love Weight Watchers. I'm so glad I've found a plan that works for me!