I weighed in at 189.8 this morning.  No big deal!  One lb heavier than I was last Friday, but I am not going to let it get me down.  I am back on track and I have lost the other 2 lbs I gained during vacation.  I am happy with that.  I basically gained and lost 2 lbs in one week. LOL  Not good for my body, I'm sure, but at least that weight is gone and I am heading in the right direction.  I have a feeling these last 19 lbs are going to be a pain to take off.  I am working out and eating right, so that's all I can do.  There isn't much else I can do to bust through this plateau.  I'm trying.  I am a lot less depressed about it now that I am almost back to 188.  I look back at where I started and I have come a LONG way.  I started at 214.  I never thought I'd get below 200 lbs and now here I am at 189.  I am 11 lbs under where I thought I'd be "stuck".  Amazing.  I truly give WW a lot of credit, but I also have to give myself a little credit since I stuck to the plan and have been doing awesome.  And of course this wouldn't be possible without God.  I have prayed to Him so many times just asking for strength to not over eat or eat when I am emotional/bored/not hungry/etc.  He has been there with me the entire way.  Now I just need to work on these last 19 lbs.  I can do this.  I've lost 25 lbs, so 19 should be cake, right?  We'll see about that....   All I know is that for now, I am happy to be a size 14.  A loose size 14, at that!  I'll be in a 12 soon, I hope. :o)

So, I finally hit my goal of 188 lbs. It marked my 10% weight loss on WW and a total of 26 lbs gone. However, I also left for vacation with my mom the same day I hit that goal and came back 3 lbs heavier. :o( Totally bummed. Feeling so super depressed today. I seriously feel like I could just bawl my eyes out over this. Don't know what's going on. Of course I'm going to be heavier. However, my Mom called and said to me, "How much weight did you lose?" I said I didn't lose any and had gained 3 lbs in fact. She said, "Oh...well I lost pound and a half." That doesn't help any. I tried to eat well and I tried to exercise. We walked, swam, etc. I ate a lot of salad. Didn't help I guess. My Mom tried to sabotage me with chocolate. Everywhere we went she wanted to buy me sweets. I don't get it. I am so upset over this. It also doesn't help that all of my friends are in bikinis. I have no fat friends, I swear. They all wear these tiny bikinis and they all have at least one child. Guess I'm destined to be fat forever. Feeling awful today. Just awful. Not eating anything but dinner tonight.

I think 190 lbs is my new 200 lbs. By that I mean I'll never get under 190 lbs and stay there. Before, I always struggled with the 200 lbs mark. It seemed like I could get to 200 and then never stay below. It seems that 190 is that new mark for me. Don't get me wrong, I'm happy I fell below 200 lbs and I am happy that I've now lost 24 lbs, but I want to be in the 180's. 188 lbs is my 10% marker (on WW). I get an award on their site for losing 10% of my body weight and I really want that award. So I am working hard. I started working out on Monday. I ran/walked for 20 minutes and then did weights. Today I only got in a 15 minute jog and weights before my oldest kiddo got up. I really want to get into the 180's. The next few days I really need to stick to my daily points allowance and not go over. Yesterday, I had ice cream which sent me way over my daily points. I dipped into my weekly points and it seems that when I do that, I do not lose weight like I should. Maybe once I'm on maintenance, then I can dip into those weekly points that I am alloted. I am trying not to let the numbers on the scale rule my happiness. The other day I was 190, today I am 191. There could be so many reasons for that 1 lb "gain". I did start working out and I know your muscles retain water when you work out and I know muscle weighs more than fat and blah, blah, blah. I am really just trying to look at the bigger picture. If I weigh 190 lbs and I am toned, then I shouldn't care about that number. If I weigh 170 and I'm flabby all over, I won't be as happy. Must look at the bigger overall picture here. This whole weight loss thing is such a mind game. My last official weigh in with WW was 191.2 lbs. I am over that today. I weighed in this morning at 191.6. I cannot be over 191.2 on Friday, my official weigh in day. That would just be depressing to see my graph go UP. I think I would cry. I do not want to gain any weight. So I will stick to the plan today and tomorrow and see if I can get down to around 189 by Friday's weigh in. I know that if I stick to the plan and I do not get to 189, then it's not my fault because I tried my hardest. Working out always does strange things to my body. I always gain weight, initially, and then it goes away and I either maintain or lose weight. I only have 15-20 lbs left to lose and I want to be toned. Ugh. This is so hard and now I feel like I'm just blabbing, so I am going to go clean while I have energy.

*sigh* I really want to cry this week! I am not losing anything. I am so depressed over it and just totally bummed out. This is very disappointing. Every week since I have started WW, I have lost at least 2 lbs. Now here I am, stuck at 192. This is very upsetting. I don't know what's wrong!! Maybe I need to start working out? Maybe my body is saying, "OK...enough of this losing weight stuff. We wanna hold onto this cushion!!" I don't know. Something has to change. Maybe I need to eat less? Or maybe change what I am eating? I have to be honest...I have been having ice cream (sometimes 2) every night. It's at least the SmartOnes ice cream, but having 2 each night probably isn't the best. There are still fat & calories in them, even if I do have the Points left over for them. Maybe I should eat more fruit & veggies for snacks? Whatever it is, I wish I knew. I wish there was a computer in my body that could tell me what it needs me to do to get these last 22 lbs off!! Right now I just want to cry. My official weigh in day is Friday and I seriously doubt I'll lose anything by then.

So, I am stuck at 195.6. I have not lost any weight so far this week. I guess I need to wait till Friday until I can really say that since that is my official weigh-in day. I seriously hate that I have let myself become so overweight. :o( The Wii tells me a good weight for me 153 lbs. Seriously? If weighed 153 lbs I would look sick! I don't think they take into account your height. At 5'11", 170 lbs will look good on me, I think. :o) Trying to really stay positive this week and remember that I am already down 19 lbs, which is more than I've ever lost on any weight loss plan. I CAN do this...I've already done a lot of it...and I only have 25 more lbs to go. Only 3 lbs to go to hit that half way mark. :o)

I really need to stay off the freaking scale every day! Ugh. I weighed in this morning at 195.6. Then, a little bit later, I weighed myself again for some reason and I was at 196 and I was UPSET. Seriously? Why on Earth would I let myself get upset over that? Anything could've happened! The scale could've shifted, it could've accounted for the water in my hair, it could've been wrong the first time. But why do I do this to myself? It's almost an obsession. I don't normally weigh myself multiple times a day. Usually, I get up every morning, take my clothes off as I'm gettnig ready to shower, pee, and then weigh myself. It's just my routine. For me, weighing myself daily seems to help keep me on track. If that number on the scale goes up a little, then I know I need to work extra hard that day to get my number back down. I'm not crazy over it, but I do weigh in every single day. Here's to hoping that tomorrow morning, my real weigh in day on WW, I am back down to 195! That would totally rock my socks off!! ;o)