Oh I am such a slacker. I haven't updated this blog in a very long time, although I think about it often. I have some disappointing news. I am 8 lbs heavier than my last weight in. I am up to 198. :o( Seriously?!?! I never wanted to be this heavy again. I gained 8 lbs over the holidays. Ridiculous. Time to get my butt back on track!! Starting over TODAY!!!!!!!

I am back from my 2+ weeks of vacation and I am back on track!!  I left for vacation weighing in at 189 and I am weighing in today at 192.  I am quite happy with a gain of only 3 lbs.  Honestly, who doesn't gain a little weight on vacation?  I will be totally and completely honest....I ate dessert every single night and I ate what I WANTED for the most part.  But you know what???  I felt like crap the entire time I was on vacation.  I was sluggish and didn't have the energy I normally do when I'm eating right.  I felt bloated and fat and just not like I have been feeling since I started this weight loss journey.  However, now I'm home and I am back on the right track.  I ate a great lunch today that consisted of a huge salad with home grown tomatoes and angel hair pasta with squash & zucchini with marinara sauce.  I am already just feeling so much lighter.  It feels good to eat good!  Tonight I am attending my first FitClub class at church.  It should be fun!  I'm hoping I don't embarrass myself!  I am hoping that this vacation was what I needed to shock my body and get myself back into losing more weight.  I'd ultimately like to get down to 170.  That's 22 lbs away and I know it's totally doable.  Just gotta DO IT!  Just like I put my mind to it when I started WW.  I CAN do this. 

So, I finally hit my goal of 188 lbs. It marked my 10% weight loss on WW and a total of 26 lbs gone. However, I also left for vacation with my mom the same day I hit that goal and came back 3 lbs heavier. :o( Totally bummed. Feeling so super depressed today. I seriously feel like I could just bawl my eyes out over this. Don't know what's going on. Of course I'm going to be heavier. However, my Mom called and said to me, "How much weight did you lose?" I said I didn't lose any and had gained 3 lbs in fact. She said, "Oh...well I lost pound and a half." That doesn't help any. I tried to eat well and I tried to exercise. We walked, swam, etc. I ate a lot of salad. Didn't help I guess. My Mom tried to sabotage me with chocolate. Everywhere we went she wanted to buy me sweets. I don't get it. I am so upset over this. It also doesn't help that all of my friends are in bikinis. I have no fat friends, I swear. They all wear these tiny bikinis and they all have at least one child. Guess I'm destined to be fat forever. Feeling awful today. Just awful. Not eating anything but dinner tonight.

I am feeling totally depressed this morning. I had a horrible, horrible weekend, eating wise. I am back up to 192 lbs. I want to cry. I worked so hard to get this far and now I let myself get back to 192. The first BBQ we attended I thought, "Oh, I can let myself cheat a little. It's a holiday weekend!" That mentality didn't stop at the first BBQ though. I don't feel I ate horribly and I even passed up cookies! But it was more than my body wanted, I guess. I did workout yesterday though. I ran/walked 1.5 miles and then did weights for 20 minutes. I really didn't want to gain any weight this weekend, so I am kind of devastated by these 2 lbs. I really don't want 190 to be my plateau! Back on track this week. I'm hoping to lose 3 lbs by Friday. Is that doable? I don't even know. However, I know that Friday morning I am leaving for vacation. My Mom & I have planned to eat healthy and to workout in the pool. I do NOT want to get back up to 200 lbs, but I could totally see it happening if I am not super duper careful. Saying a prayer that God will help me to stay strong!

I think 190 lbs is my new 200 lbs. By that I mean I'll never get under 190 lbs and stay there. Before, I always struggled with the 200 lbs mark. It seemed like I could get to 200 and then never stay below. It seems that 190 is that new mark for me. Don't get me wrong, I'm happy I fell below 200 lbs and I am happy that I've now lost 24 lbs, but I want to be in the 180's. 188 lbs is my 10% marker (on WW). I get an award on their site for losing 10% of my body weight and I really want that award. So I am working hard. I started working out on Monday. I ran/walked for 20 minutes and then did weights. Today I only got in a 15 minute jog and weights before my oldest kiddo got up. I really want to get into the 180's. The next few days I really need to stick to my daily points allowance and not go over. Yesterday, I had ice cream which sent me way over my daily points. I dipped into my weekly points and it seems that when I do that, I do not lose weight like I should. Maybe once I'm on maintenance, then I can dip into those weekly points that I am alloted. I am trying not to let the numbers on the scale rule my happiness. The other day I was 190, today I am 191. There could be so many reasons for that 1 lb "gain". I did start working out and I know your muscles retain water when you work out and I know muscle weighs more than fat and blah, blah, blah. I am really just trying to look at the bigger picture. If I weigh 190 lbs and I am toned, then I shouldn't care about that number. If I weigh 170 and I'm flabby all over, I won't be as happy. Must look at the bigger overall picture here. This whole weight loss thing is such a mind game. My last official weigh in with WW was 191.2 lbs. I am over that today. I weighed in this morning at 191.6. I cannot be over 191.2 on Friday, my official weigh in day. That would just be depressing to see my graph go UP. I think I would cry. I do not want to gain any weight. So I will stick to the plan today and tomorrow and see if I can get down to around 189 by Friday's weigh in. I know that if I stick to the plan and I do not get to 189, then it's not my fault because I tried my hardest. Working out always does strange things to my body. I always gain weight, initially, and then it goes away and I either maintain or lose weight. I only have 15-20 lbs left to lose and I want to be toned. Ugh. This is so hard and now I feel like I'm just blabbing, so I am going to go clean while I have energy.

Ugh. Why can I never stay at 199? Every time I get under 200 lbs, something happens and I gain weight. I've never been able to stay under 200 for any length of time. Memorial Day weekend was horrible for me, eating wise. I ate too much crap! Then I got back on track and I went from 203 to 200. Yesterday was awesome. I had hardly any points and used them to eat Wendy's. That could be the problem. I did eat french fries and the salt is probably causing me to retain water. Ugh. Stupid french fries. And to be honest, I felt like crap after eating them. So not worth it! It has been 5 weeks (before yesterday) since I had them, so my body was probably like "What are you trying to do to me??!" No more french fries for me. Ick!! Hopefully I can lose at least 1 lb before weigh in tomorrow. Feeling totally bummed right now. :o(

Feeling a little discouraged right now. I stepped on the scale this morning to see I had gained a pound. Why do I do this to myself?? I know I shouldn't weigh myself every day, but it's almost like a compulsion. I feel like I have to do it!! It's ridiculous to be upset over one pound. One pound isn't much and it could be something simple like water weight. I'm really sticking to the plan, despite not eating super great the past few days. I'm still staying within my points range!! It's very frustrating to me. I know I am not exercising like I should be either, but I swear I don't have time. Between driving my little one to preschool every morning and then driving back 2 hours later to get him and all the other stuff I have to do, I just don't feel like I have time!! I really need to just stick to weighing myself on Fridays. Maybe then I won't be so depressed over little set backs.

I'm depressed. It's been a horrible week with my husband still not recovered from his septum repair. I'm struggling. Hard core. I cannot remember the last time I worked out. I have zero motivation and the miniature Reese's Cups my husband got me for Valentine's Day are calling my name at all hours. I just want to eat. I know it's because I'm stressed and super exhausted from handling two rough & tough little boys completely on my own. I have gained 4 lbs. FOUR. POUNDS. Unacceptable. I really would like to be at my goal weight by June. That gives me just over 3 months to lose 34 lbs. That is 11 lbs per month. 2.75 lbs per week. Is it doable? I am not sure. All I know is that I am tired of feeling so fat, weak, and exhausted. I cannot climb the stairs without getting winded. Pathetic for someone who is 30! I used to be in such great shape. I was able to play 90 minutes of competitive soccer without a break! I am pathetic. Time to do something about it!

Oh gosh, it's been a horrible 2 weeks for me. I have gained 2 pounds. I am not proud and I feel like a total failure. What am I doing to myself? My husband was supposed to have surgery so I was busy preparing for that (cleaning, grocery shopping, etc.). So, my workouts stopped since that is the time I was using to prepare. Then, the big ice storm hit. Let me tell you, it was bad. The base was closed & my husband's surgery was cancelled. We were snowed in, along with my mother-in-law, for 4 days. It was awful. We basically sat around watching movies, playing games, reading, etc. Didn't do a single workout. Now, here we are, the week that my husband is finally going to have his surgery and I am back into preparation mode. Cleaning, grocery shopping, making sure everything is running smoothly. It's awful. I hate this. I want a normal life!!! There is no time for me. I always come last. Why? I don't know. The other stuff is more important...more vital to the smooth operation of our household I guess. I feel like such a failure. 2 pounds!! Really?? What the heck??!! Ugh. I must exercise today. At least at some point. Even if it's after the kids have gone to bed. I hate that I did this to myself. Oh, and not to forget...I was in the ER twice with a kidney infection and got IV fluids both times. *sigh* I have to take better care of myself.