Ripped in 30 (Jillian Michaels)

I went to Target yesterday and was able to find the Jillian Michaels Ripped in 30 DVD for $9.  I brought it home and had every intention of starting it last night, but then I forgot that our tv in our basement, where I usually work out, was broken and we were in desperate need of a cleaning down there before we could move our other tv into the spot where the old tv was.  So, instead of working out last night, I spent the evening cleaning the basement.  We got the tv moved into position and ready to go.  So, this morning I popped in the DVD and got to work.  I set out with an idea that I would do week 1 twice.  Yeah, that didn't happen.  It was harder than I expected it to be!  There were a lot of push-ups and I have such weak wrists from years of gymnastics when I was little.  However, she also shows them modified, so that's how I did them.  It wasn't too bad, but not easy enough that I could do it twice in one day.  I will be sore tomorrow.  I am not sure that I will have time daily to do this, but I would like to do it 30 times and then post my results.  I am still going to be following my restricted diet of 1390 calories (net) per day and log those calories/workout through MyFitnessPal. 

   

As of today I am 191. I am slowly but surely gonna get myself back into the 180's. Today I found out my husband weighs 188. That is depressing. So very depressing. Why did I even look at his MyFitnessPal update? I knew it would be bad. And this was right after I burnt 400+ calories during my workout. We are different people. I just have to keep telling myself this. I hope to be 188 soon. :o(

Yesterday I started getting myself back on track. It's hard to get back into this when I've been letting myself go and not eating right & exercising. Let's face it...eating junk is AWESOME! At least in the moment. I love ice cream and sweets and just all sorts of junk. I know it's not good for me. Doesn't matter. I still love it with my whole soul!

Yesterday I went to FitClub. I ate really great, but I sure felt hungry most of the day. I burnt 650 calories at FitClub and consumed 1715 calories. Not too shabby!

Today, I burnt 275 calories through exercise, but haven't finished eating, of course. Not a big calorie burning day. :o(

I wish I could just not NEED food at all. Unfortunately, I need it to survive. I wish I knew why I am such an emotional eater.

Well, this was my first week using MyFitnessPal to count calories and I am happy to say that I have lost 1 pound. I did my official weigh in Saturday morning and I was down to 190. Woohoo!! It's hard to stay under my calories if I don't exercise every single day. That's hard because I don't have extra time every single day to do so. I am soooo busy!! Time just gets away from me. I guess the thing to do is look at my overall weekly calories in vs. calories out and not my daily report. As long as I have a deficit of calories at the end of each WEEK, then I will lose weight, right? That's the idea anyway. We shall see! So far, I like the site and it's very user friendly. It also helps that I have friends who have joined and we can keep up with each other that way. Makes it nice to have someone who is holding you accountable. I went to FitClub this morning and worked my butt off. I love it! Wish I could do it every day!! Just need an extra hour or three in the day. ;o)

I am back from my 2+ weeks of vacation and I am back on track!!  I left for vacation weighing in at 189 and I am weighing in today at 192.  I am quite happy with a gain of only 3 lbs.  Honestly, who doesn't gain a little weight on vacation?  I will be totally and completely honest....I ate dessert every single night and I ate what I WANTED for the most part.  But you know what???  I felt like crap the entire time I was on vacation.  I was sluggish and didn't have the energy I normally do when I'm eating right.  I felt bloated and fat and just not like I have been feeling since I started this weight loss journey.  However, now I'm home and I am back on the right track.  I ate a great lunch today that consisted of a huge salad with home grown tomatoes and angel hair pasta with squash & zucchini with marinara sauce.  I am already just feeling so much lighter.  It feels good to eat good!  Tonight I am attending my first FitClub class at church.  It should be fun!  I'm hoping I don't embarrass myself!  I am hoping that this vacation was what I needed to shock my body and get myself back into losing more weight.  I'd ultimately like to get down to 170.  That's 22 lbs away and I know it's totally doable.  Just gotta DO IT!  Just like I put my mind to it when I started WW.  I CAN do this. 

Still not seeing a number in the 180's and I am totally bummed. I feel like I should be in the 180's by now. I am praying that I wake up tomorrow and see 189 on that scale. If I don't this will be the first time since starting WW that I have lost under 1 lb in a week. How terribly sad that would be! I know I have stuck to the plan this week and I have been working out, so I cannot be too hard on myself. I must not be too hard on myself. I don't want to depress myself and totally stop and give up on this whole weight loss thing. I want to do this. I've come so far!! I've lost 24 lbs! That is a LOT. That's the size of a one year old! Now if I could just lose this last 20 lbs. In all honesty, I just want to get to that 189 mark to prove to myself that I CAN do it. I broke the 200 lbs mark and it had been stopping me for years, so I know I can do this too. I ate so well today and yesterday too! I am not understanding why I didn't see 189 this morning. Oh well, must remain positive. I am looking so much slimmer in my clothes and I was rocking my bathing suit today at the pool. ;o) My Mom and I are planning a vacation starting the Friday after the 4th of July and we are already talking about exercising in the pool and eating super healthy meals while we're gone. We are going to support one another. We even talked about hiking and I am looking for trails for us. I'm also searching online for pool exercise routines. I am determined not to gain this darn weight back...even if it kills me!

*sigh* I really want to cry this week! I am not losing anything. I am so depressed over it and just totally bummed out. This is very disappointing. Every week since I have started WW, I have lost at least 2 lbs. Now here I am, stuck at 192. This is very upsetting. I don't know what's wrong!! Maybe I need to start working out? Maybe my body is saying, "OK...enough of this losing weight stuff. We wanna hold onto this cushion!!" I don't know. Something has to change. Maybe I need to eat less? Or maybe change what I am eating? I have to be honest...I have been having ice cream (sometimes 2) every night. It's at least the SmartOnes ice cream, but having 2 each night probably isn't the best. There are still fat & calories in them, even if I do have the Points left over for them. Maybe I should eat more fruit & veggies for snacks? Whatever it is, I wish I knew. I wish there was a computer in my body that could tell me what it needs me to do to get these last 22 lbs off!! Right now I just want to cry. My official weigh in day is Friday and I seriously doubt I'll lose anything by then.

196.4 lbs this morning! So proud of me!! I am alone this week and it would be very easy to cave in and go to grab a pizza or eat Gold Star Chili, but I am staying away. When we have eaten on the go, I am choosing healthy salads, chicken sandwiches, etc. Very proud of myself! When I did splurge on fries, I felt horrible afterward. Why would I ever put that garbage into my body?? No wonder I gained so much weight. It's obviously bad for you! Anyway, this was just a quick update. I am very darn proud of myself. Only 8 more pounds to go before I meet the 10% weight loss goal since starting Weight Watchers. Woohoo!! That will be a total of 26 lbs gone! Wow! I am just shocked to even type that. 26 lbs seems like an incredible amount of weight. Right now the 18 lbs I've lost seems so little, but there's something about getting into that 20 lbs range that sounds like a LOT! So excited to hit that 20 lbs mark. Only 2 lbs to go till I see the 20 lbs mark and only 8 more lbs to go to get into the 180's and hit my 10% mark. Only 3 more lbs to go until I hit the overall 10% weight loss marker. My weight tracker with Weight Watchers set it to 188 lbs because that is what it was with the weight I started WW at, which was 209 lbs. I had lost 5 lbs on my own in the matter of 4 whole months on my own plan. With WW I am already down a total of 12 lbs in about 5.5 weeks! GO ME! I am so excited I could jump up and down! :o)

It's my official weigh in day and I managed to get back to 199.0 lbs. Woohoo! Go me! Of course, I am concerned at how long I will stay there. I wish I could just skip the 190's and get down to the 180's. I cannot remember being in the 180's in my entire adult life. Of course, I know I wasn't even 180 when I got married almost 11 years ago, but as far as having memories of stepping on the scale, I never remember it being under 194. I believe it was shortly after I had my youngest son. My husband and I went on this crazy diet where all we ate was fruit and drank water and I got down to 194. It wasn't a healthy way to do it and once I started eating things other than fruit, the weight went right back on. This time around, I feel I'm doing it the right way and I feel this could be my turning point to staying under 200 lbs for the rest of my life. I never ever want to be 200 lbs again. I hate just looking at that 2 in front of my weight. I feel that when people see that number, at the dr's office for example, they automatically judge you and label you as "fat", no matter the fact that I am 5 ft 11! So I am very happy with 199 lbs. It took a lot of will power to get that 15 lbs off and I am proud of myself. 15 lbs! That's amazing to me! I think about how much 15 lbs weighs when I'm carrying it and, honestly, I am feeling lighter this morning. I haven't had anyone notice my weight loss, which is a bummer. I think if people noticed, I would be even more motivated. However, Weight Watchers told me I'm losing too much weight too fast and I need to slow down. Umm...hello...I think NOT!! I'm averaging a loss of 2.2 lbs per week. That doesn't seem like a lot to me. Anyway, I've now lost over 5% of my body weight. Only 11 lbs to go to get to that 10% mark, which is a huge goal for me. I'm so excited that Weight Watchers is helping me!!

Can I just say I am totally stoked! I have now lost 11 lbs since starting this weight loss journey! I weighed in at 203 even this morning. Of course, it hasn't come without ups and downs, especially when I was so sick during the winter (strep throat, UTI, kidney infection, etc.), but I am super proud of myself. Since starting Weight Watchers less than 3 wks ago, I have lost a total of 6.8 lbs. I am very happy with that, especially since I didn't do so great during my 2nd week on the program. This week, I have really stuck with it and I am seeing changes! So far, I have noticed anything physically, but I see it on the scale and in my measurements. I've lost a half inch on my waist already! Woohoo!! My size 16's are fitting loose, even the ones that were super tight are now loose!! Yay!!! I am very happy with the program and I'm finding it not too hard to stick with. And I love that I can still have ice cream!! :o) I am just so happy with myself! Only 4 lbs to go until I'm in the 100's. I can't even remember the last time I was in the 100's. I think I will cry the day that happens! 4 lbs isn't a whole lot and I should be able to manage that within 2 weeks. That's my new short term goal: 199 lbs by June 2nd

Why do I keep putting it off? "Oh, I'll start back on this working out and dieting thing on Monday!" Really? Why not start today? I don't understand it. Am I afraid of failure? I really think so. My heart cannot take failure. I am afraid of disappointing those I love, even though they won't really even know I'm trying to lose weight. I'm just afraid that if people see me watching what I eat and working out, but the weight isn't coming off that I am going to look like a failure. Why am I even afraid of failing? Everyone fails at something or some point in their lives. I haven't really experienced real failure yet. I don't want this to be the first time for me. Sure, I've failed tests and haven't been able to do things perfectly, but a true failure for me would be trying my hardest to lose weight and not accomplishing it. I really need to lose at least 35 lbs. That's a minimum to be considered healthy. So it's a numbers game for me and I'm terrified that it might come down to where my body says, "Um, excuse me, we're only letting you lose 30 lbs!" and then I would feel like I failed because that last 5 lbs wouldn't come off. I have got to do this. I think it would help with so many other issues I have. So...I am starting today. Of course, I may not be able to eat the best, but I am going to make a conscious decision about what I put into my mouth. I may not be able to exercise, but I'm going to strive to take more steps today and get up and moving more. I think if I exercised more, I'd want to move around more and that all helps! So no more excuses...today I am starting over.

I don't understand why I eat sometimes. Is it boredom? I certainly have more than enough to keep me from getting bored. Is it emotions? It could be, but I don't seem to feel any worse/better after I eat. Is it because it tastes good? Yep. Gotta be it. I eat because it tastes good. Sure, I may not be hungry, but when I am eating it, it sure tastes delicious. I wish I could overcome this and eat for fuel not fun.

It is sooo hard for me to resist sweets. This weekend we had my son's 5th birthday party. I had made brownies the day of his actual birthday and cake for the guests on Saturday. Cake is the only thing I can really resist because I don't like it, but I sure ate my weight in brownie sundaes. I mean, who doesn't love an ooey, gooey, warm, fudgey brownie topped with vanilla icecream and hot fudge? I could lick my computer screen right now just looking at this picture! I seriously ate two a day from the 20th thru the 22nd. I also didn't work out at ALL last week. There just wasn't time. Probably my own fault for not forcing myself to make time, but it seemed there were so many other "more important" things. That's how I always sabotage myself. So anyway, I was expecting to have gained at least 3 pounds when I stepped on the scale this morning. However, I was happily surprised to see that I was only up 1 pound! This truly excites me, despite the fact that it's a gain. That means that I was right in choosing all the other good foods for me! Even though I had the brownie sundaes, I still chose other meals/snacks that were healthy for me and over all, I came out OK! This tells me that if I keep up my exercise and I choose mostly healthy & good foods, then I can splurge on the occasional brownie sundae and it won't completely ruin me! For a while it seemed like having something like ice cream or brownies would never be possible for me again, but this goes to show that isn't the case! It makes doing this whole healthy lifestyle thing seem like it's going to be possible long-term. Right now...I really want a brownie sundae... LOL

Because I like to torture myself, I stepped on the scale this morning. Morning time is when I normally weigh myself and I try to do so without clothing. This morning when I stepped on, I was pleansantly surprised by the number. I was 209.2. That is only 0.2 lbs to go to get to 208! That rocks!!! I think the lowest I can remember weighing in my adult life was 196 lbs, so I am anxious to get there. However, I don't want to push myself too hard or deprive myself too much because then I'm just setting myself up to fail. I really want to be successful in this. I so want to be healthy and feel good about myself. It's more so those reasons that I want to lose weight than to just be "thin".

I was really proud of myself last night and feel I made a really good choice at dinner. We decided to go to Olive Garden since my oldest had basketball practice and we needed to run some errands before hand. So we went to dinner early (4:30pm!). It was awesome because there were no people there! Now I understand why old people go out to dinner early. Anyway, normally when we go to Olive Garden, I get the lunch-size portion of Chicken Alfredo and I get an extra little thing of sauce so I can pour half on my pasta and use the other half to dip breadsticks into. Now we all know that alfredo sauce is like the worst thing you could ever eat if you are hoping to lose weight. In the lunch-size portion alone, there are 990 calories! Insane. That is almost a whole day's worth of calories when you add in salad and breadsticks. So anyway, I decided to do the soup & salad combo and I chose to get the light version of their salad dressing. I really couldn't tell a difference in the taste of the dressing and the kids ate it non-stop like they normally do, so I know they couldn't taste a difference either. So I had one bowl of pasta fagioli (130 calories) and a couple of bowls of salad w/low cal dressing (around 200 calories) and 2 breadsticks (280 calories). So my whole meal was only around 610 calories, give or take a few. I saved myself at least 400 calories, and that isn't even including if I were to eat salad & breadsticks with the chicken alfredo, which I always do.

So even though I haven't lost tons of weight, I'm proud of myself for making healthier choices and I am hoping that when my kids see my example, they will follow. I feel so much better just doing healthy things for my body. Now if I could just get on track with taking vitamins. I wish they didn't make me so darn sick.

Starting weight: 214 lbs

Current weight: 209 lbs

Goal weight: 175 lbs

Ugh. I made a very bad choice and went to Wendy's today for lunch. I ate a number one combo and medium sized it. Why do I do these things??? Why do I want to sabotage myself? I haven't been feeling well today so I guess I thought I "deserved" it. I worked out this morning. Did about 30 minutes of weights and then while I was doing my cardio on the treadmill, I started vomiting. I'm not sure what caused it but I haven't felt great since. I am hoping it's just something simple like the fact that I took my vitamins and then worked out or that I am slightly dehydrated. I do NOT want to be getting sick again! I don't have time or energy for that! I still feel very light headed and just crummy. At least I got the majority of my workout in before I started to throw up. I was on minute 22 of my 30 minutes when it happened. Anyway, let's hope better decisions are in my future!

OK, so I am pretty darn proud of myself and have to brag a little. Normally, when I go to Subway, I get a footlong sandwich because I like to EAT and feel full. Well, today, I decided that instead of eating a footlong which has at least 640 calories (which doesn't include condiments), that I would get the 6 inch and a bag of chips. So instead of eating 640 calories, I consumed 460 calories. I was pretty proud! I also resisted the free cookie that came with my meal and I saved it for my oldest to eat when he gets home from school. So not only did I burn 240 calories this morning on the treadmill, but I also ate 180 calories less than I normally would've eaten at Subway in the past. So I have banked 420 calories today! Woohoo!!! I feel so excited! I know that dinner will be high calorie. We're having chicken parmesan, but I'm making some changes to that recipe as well. Instead of using the entire egg to dip the chicken into for the breadcrumb coating, I am going to just use the egg white. I am also using low-fat cheese and splitting a chicken breast with my husband instead of eating an entire one all by myself. So there are changes being made around here, that's for sure. And I feel like because these changes are small and I'm still not really depriving myself, that they will last.